OUR STORY

Buckle up, It's been 16 years in the making!

Their story starts back in the days of secondary school, specifically, an art class where 15 year old Kern was more focused on pratting about and ignoring homework deadlines than impressing the teacher (though clearly he managed anyway).

They were part of different friendship groups that slowly merged, mostly via mutual mischief, field games, and chaotic group pile-ons at lunchtime. Romance blossomed not with roses and love letters, but through shared laughs, and a memorable school art trip to Kew Gardens where they realised… “hey, we actually really like spending time together”.

Before long they were bonding over weekend meet ups with friends in Dunorlan Park, flexing their top-tier pedalo skills, discovering a shared love for live music. Now they’re not the soppy type here to outline all that romantic crap, but the first kiss was one that neither of them will forget. Primarily because Kern accidentally burped into Anya's mouth. How that relationship got to where they are now is still a big unknown to them as well.

Few people know that this is actually their third engagement. Not really knowing what it meant in the adult world, the first was just a year into their relationship. That too was less romantic than initially envisioned… After a great day trip to London where he’d made his plans, they gradually crumbled under the pressure of onlookers to the point where with seconds to spare until Anya’s dad arrived to collect her from the train station, he rushed out a “it’s now or never” moment and proposed with his £20 ring - Hey, he may have been working two jobs while at school, but hard graft is worth very little money at that age!

A-Levels & Underage pints

Fast forward to sixth form — where they should have been doing coursework in art and photography, but mostly distracted each other with drawing on each other, banter, and doing stupid chilli challenges.

Summers were filled with field parties, dodgy cassette tapes that sounded like tortured whales in Kerns mum’s chalet, and sneaky underage pints at the local, which they’re sure several of you remember fondly too! Evenings usually ended with them and their friends sprawled across the local playing fields, or getting stuck (again) in the children's swings, or yet again all ending up piled up after playing late night games whilst as merry as you can be on cheap beer and cider.

Love, Uni and a Very Fat Cat

Here came proposal number two… After a late night working in a pub kitchen with Anya’s help, they set off in his scrappy Fiat Punto to see the Christmas lights in Battle. By the tree in the center of the square as the time ticked closer to midnight, he dropped to one knee and the ring re-emerged. This time, to the sound of a lone passerby shouting “go on son!”, Anya said yes! While Anya had some prior suspicion as to what might have been happening, to keep some surprise Kern waited until they were half way home before reaching into his pocket and presenting a new ring, and yes, this time it cost more than £20. They agreed to wait and see how uni played out, knowing anything could happen, and the next day in true Anya style, she accidentally broke the new ring - Fortunately not a sign of things to come!

When uni rolled around, they knew they had to follow their own paths. Despite picking different courses, they found themselves in the same interview for the same uni course, and one that somehow ticked both their boxes for their future ambitions.

The lecturer clocked them instantly. After seeing they’d used each other as subjects in half their portfolios, she casually asked: “So… Do you two know each other?” Subtle.

They survived the uni years (just!) being two of only six to graduate from their course, and even brought home their greatest accomplishment: Gambino, their hilariously fat rescue cat who’s travelled everywhere with them ever since.

Trains & Going long-distance

Post-uni, Kern was headhunted up to Loughborough while Anya started work in London. Cue long-distance relationship life: 3 hour train rides each way, silly amounts spent on train fares, and a lot of WhatsApps and phone calls.

Eventually, Kern moved to London (commuting daily to Loughborough – grim), before they both decided they were both batshit crazy living like this. They relocated to Nottingham to start a new chapter, because hey, why not uproot your entire life at 22?

But of course, let's add another plot twist in to keep life interesting and those moving boxes in use. Kern’s job soon relocated to Manchester, so they packed up again and found themselves in a tiny village with the world’s most questionable name: Broadbottom. Yes, it’s real. Yes, they laughed. A lot.

Tumour, Teamwork & the 2020 Olympics

Shortly after moving, Anya was diagnosed with a brain tumour and needed urgent surgery back in London. It was a tough time, but Kern juggled work, hospital visits, and caretaking like the absolute legend he is. Recovery took time, but they came back stronger. Just in time for the curveball that was lockdown. Something really likes putting their relationship to the test!

With birthdays stuck indoors, they got... inventive. Olympic games in the living room (indoor bike racing was a highlight), clay pigeon shooting with paper plates and Nerf guns, and their pièce de résistance: setting up a paddling pool in the kitchen. Yes, it was ridiculous. Yes, they did it more than once.

They weathered the storm together. Just them, Gambino, and endless rounds of whatever food they could get their hands on to create odd meals from.

Home is where the Chaos is

Post-lockdown, it was time to come home. They sold their Broadbottom house (still funny), moved back to Sussex, and lived the glamorous life of bouncing between their childhood bedrooms like teenagers again. Gambino was unimpressed.

Eventually, they found their real first home together. A cosy place in Sussex filled with love, plants, and probably too many cat toys. They’ve been here ever since, hosting parties, laughing with friends, and loving every second of finally having their own space.

Next stop... "I do"

They were in the Isle of Skye. A place they’d both dreamt of visiting for years. So naturally, they did the most romantic thing imaginable: hauled ourselves up the Old Man of Storr, sweating, puffing, and weighed down with cameras like overly ambitious tourists.

The views were nothing short of spectacular, moody, majestic, and definitely worth every wheeze. And then came the moment. Kind of…

Kern, with ring number three (yes, third, and still not the right one), got down on one knee, heart pounding, speech ready, waiting for Anya to turn around… seconds felt like minutes until the moment came and Anya none the wiser wandered off in the other direction, laser-focused on getting a landscape shot with zero people in the frame. Romance!

Eventually, Anya emerged from her artistic trance, turned around — and nearly tripped over Kern who was back on the ground, looking like he’d dropped his wallet or possibly his dignity.

“What the hell are you doing on the floor, you muppet?!”

Kern, a picture of panic and charm, pulled out the ring box containing both the engagement and wedding rings and, of course, presented the wrong ring. In a beautifully chaotic blur, instead of asking the big question, he opted for:

“Fancy having a party to celebrate 16 years?”

Romantic, right?

All while they were getting absolutely eaten alive by mosquitoes in the most humid Scottish morning you can imagine. Like, full-blown buffet. Anya always up for a party (especially one with champagne) said yes.

Kern, still riding the adrenaline, proudly slipped on… the wedding ring.

Anya, true to form, said nothing to ruin the moment. She just smiled and they awkwardly shuffled back down the hill, hearts full, fingers swollen, and now surrounded by a sudden surge of other tourists who seemed to appear from nowhere.

Then came round two of the proposal.

Kern turned to her and casually said, “Oh! I never actually asked… do you fancy getting married?”

Half a dozen people walked right between them at that exact moment, but Anya caught the question and responded with a classic:

“Yeah, okay. Sounds great!”

…before promptly falling on her backside. But skilfully, and with a great disregard for her own safety, the camera was saved. Priorities.

They finally found a quiet spot away from the crowd to process what had just happened, admire the view… and realise they’d used the wrong ring. But by then Anya’s fingers were too swollen from bites, sweat, and emotions to get the damn thing off.

Eventually, they pried it off, made the switch, and decided there was absolutely no way they were climbing back up for a re-do photo. So they snapped one where they stood, fat fingers and all.

The rest of the day was spent wandering the coast, checking out every local stop-off point, and soaking in what had turned out to be the most unexpected, chaotic, and hilarious engagement story they could’ve ever hoped for.

They wrapped it up with a beautiful dinner, a lock-in with the hotel staff, and a lot of champagne. Kern, high on love and bubbles, inadvertently instigated this having fired off some comedic lighthearted insults at the barman and another of the guests… Well, not quite… Turns out it was the hotel manager and the head chef! Having broken the ice, wangled some free food and drink, Anya wisely left the new lovebirds to their whiskey and ended the night the only way she knows how – with a good ol’ cuppa.

Perfectly imperfect. Just like them.

Now as they’re sitting on their sofa writing this in third person, they finally realise how deranged they’ve become. Then they smile, gulp another gallon of tea, and continue narrating their life like David Attenborough observing a slightly unhinged mammal.

So there you go, that’s 16 years briefly outlined and wrapped up, but of course if you want the extended version, Kern will very happily give you every single detail and will somehow take 20 years to explain it to you.